Love After Loss

Posted by Little Social Worker on Jul 30, 2012 in Blog | 0 comments

The time will come, when with elation, you will greet yourself arriving at your own door, in your own mirror,

and each will smile at the other’s welcome and say, sit here. Eat. You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart to itself, to the stranger who has loved you. all your life, whom you have ignored for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf, the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror. Sit. Feast on your life.

–Dereck Walcott

When we experience loss, a great sense of hopelessness can replace the sensations we once had of excitement and opportunity. There are many kinds of loss: we can lose our beauty, jobs, physical abilities, homes, or valued possessions. But these are not the most significant losses we experience. Loss of love is arguably the greatest of all the challenges we face in our lives. Developing relationships that share intimacy, trust, hopes, and dreams puts us in a position to experience both great joy and great loss.

But in the end, loss is just as beautiful as love, though it can take a long time to believe this. After what feels like a unbearable storm of overwhelming doubt, shame, fear, and confusion comes a strengthened belief in one’s own ability to overcome anything. While we experience this storm as making us weaker each day we struggle, it is actually slowly building an incredible sense of empowerment. Through our pain, we grow closer to who we are and develop confidence that we can survive and depend on ourselves. In a way, loss is a gift that forces us to “arrive back at our own doors,” reminding us not to neglect ourselves or forget our worth in designing our own lives.

Regaining one’s sense of self after loss can be a daunting task, but it is required before we can fully love again. To allow oneself to be vulnerable after loss shows great strength, not great weakness. If we can be brave enough to love again, the next time we will love from a more solid foundation than before. We will not hold back because of fear of loss, but we will dive in because we know we are strong and, no matter what happens, we will be okay.

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